


before you go

by MavenMorozova



Series: cardan finds jude in the mortal realm AUs [2]
Category: The Folk of the Air - Holly Black
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Dizziness, F/M, Folktober, One Shot, Post-Book 2: The Wicked King, Regret, Request Meme, Whumptober, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:33:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27201847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MavenMorozova/pseuds/MavenMorozova
Summary: Request:can you do an angst Jurdan in Cardan’s pov where Cardan confronts A Jude that after her banishment 3-5 years later is married with a child?
Relationships: Jude Duarte & Original Character(s), Jude Duarte/Cardan Greenbriar, Jude Duarte/Original Character(s)
Series: cardan finds jude in the mortal realm AUs [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1985839
Comments: 14
Kudos: 46
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	before you go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Charrise](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charrise/gifts).



> So! finally getting to all these Jurdan requests!  
> I have to admit, I didn't _totally_ follow the rules in this one--the POV actually sort of switches between the two of them a lot, more of an omniscient perspective. Hope that's alright!
> 
> Also written for whumptober day 25 - dizziness  
> and jurdannet's folktober day 13 (yes it's late oops) - ill-fated  
> title inspired by Lewis Capaldi's song "before you go"

_When you hurt under the surface_  
_Like troubled water running cold_  
_Well, time can heal, but this won't_

_\- Before You Go,_ Lewis Capaldi

It was early morning, perhaps around nine a.m., on the eighth of October, when Cardan Greenbriar, High King of Elfhame, finally found his exiled wife and queen, Jude Duarte. He had searched for her for years, anxiety gnawing at his bones and his brain, and when he reached her home, a rowhouse in a less dense part of the city she lived in, she was almost unrecognizable.

Not her face, of course, for that had barely changed at all, but _her_ . Jude was wearing a medium-length dress that reached her knees, blue with little pink flowers on it, and there was an apron tied around her waist. An apron. On _Jude Duarte._ It just seemed...wrong.

She had opened up the door for him hesitantly, but it had taken only one glance of his miserable face to recognize him. Her visage had turned pale, mouth falling agape. The man who had exiled her was standing before her, looking like a pathetic dog that had been thrown out of his owner’s house. Cardan looked broken, but Jude couldn’t imagine why—after all, he was the king, and he had rid himself of her power at long last. He had everything he wanted.

Or so she thought.

Cardan was miserable. Jude could at least see that right in this moment, for his normally fine black hair that coiled in tight curls around his head like a Satanic halo was matted flat to his head, and he was paler than usual, with dark grey spots under his eyes. He wasn’t wearing the fine dress of a king either, but instead a wrinkly t-shirt from the Mortal Realm along with torn jeans. “Jude,” he croaked, and she almost wanted to hug him. Almost.

It had been four years without him. And those years had changed them both. Since her exile, Jude had consoled herself in first dance clubs at Vivi’s suggestion, which she found she abhorred, and then dating, which she had mildly enjoyed. It wasn’t the same as being in Elfhame, of course, but Jude found that she could live with it. Her dates, found for her by Heather’s meticulous skill on Bumble, had been rather nice. They were kind, that was it. They held the door open for her when she stepped into the Indian restaurant they had decided to eat at, and they complimented her appearance and razor-sharp wit. They laughed at her cynicism, and they kissed her gently. It was nice.

But it had never been the same as the festering passion and hatred that she’d had with Cardan. That was gone, gone, _gone…_ And so Jude found herself missing that, out of all the things from Elfhame, most of all.

A year passed, and she had found herself in a relationship with a businessman slightly taller than her, and he was everything a person could want, in the most simple of senses: good-looking, kind and generous, and most of all, he matched her intelligence. Jude had found herself drawn to him, and for the first time, she had begun to forget Cardan, or at least not feel the ache of his absence in each waking moment.

So she married him, that man, her husband. Her... _new_ husband. And in time, Jude forgot that she’d had a first one. She had a child now, a baby boy—well, he was more of a toddler at this point. He was called Ben, a simple, yet fitting, name. She adored him, even if she didn’t love his father much at all.

And now, it was all coming back to her in waves, memories that Jude had buried deep inside her, below the sting of betrayal and the dull ache of homesickness. Cardan Greenbriar. The High King.

“C-Cardan?” she asked, voice shaky. Quickly, Jude cleared her throat. She wouldn’t show weakness. She would be the epitome of strength that she had always been, gathering all the courage and cunning she had needed as she took in a deep breath. “What are you doing here?”

“I—” Cardan began, sounding exhausted. “I’ve been looking for you for years. Why did you never come back?”

Jude scrunched her face in confusion. _Come back?_ How could she have done that? Slowly she shook her head at him, eyes narrowed. “That was...out of the equation, Cardan.”

His lips twitched in frustration. “Jude...I don’t understand. You were—you _are_ —the Queen of Elfhame. You could have pardoned yourself anytime.”

Jude’s mouth fell open in a little ‘o,’ and she blinked a few times. All this time, all the years she had wasted…

Unless she didn’t consider it a waste at all. Unless she decided to keep and savor what she had, instead of going back. The thought was like an ice-cold shower upon scalding summer skin, and it occurred to her all at once, out of nowhere. She never would have done this had it even been just a year ago. But now, she was used to what she had, and she had learned to love it, even if she did not love her husband. At least she had Ben, whom she cherished dearly. It was too late to go back.

Slowly, Jude shook her head. “I am no longer the queen,” she murmured softly, wiping her hands down the front of her apron. “I lost that long ago.” She could feel a terrible pressure behind her eyes, and willed herself not to cry at the situation. It was so stupid, so utterly irritating and frustrating and she wanted to _kill something—_

“You have to go back,” she finished, a final note in her voice. “Go back without me.”

“But—”

Jude put her hand on his chest, pushing him back away from the door. For the first time, Cardan noticed that she held a kitchen knife in her hand, and the thought was so utterly familiar that he could have laughed if he wasn’t so terribly upset. “Please,” he said, quietly, the complete opposite of what his imperious tone had always been. “I am so sorry, Jude. I only meant—”

“To WHAT?” she cried, almost hysterical as she waved the knife in the air. “To confuse me? To break my heart? And now, what—to ruin my life?”

Suddenly, a young child stumbled to the door, barely able to walk, his dark hair floofing up on top of his head. Cardan eyed it warily. He felt as if someone had just taken a knife to his chest and twisted it through his heart. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. He felt dizzy and disoriented, and now he was falling—

Or maybe that had all been in his own head.

“This is my son, Ben,” Jude told him carefully, raising an eyebrow at his shaking and trembling. She saw him place his hand on the railing of her porch to steady himself, and steeled her heart against pity. “You see why you must leave?” she asked.

Slowly, Cardan nodded. He was surprisingly calm. And yet, he didn’t leave.

“Well?” Jude asked.

Cardan opened his mouth, then closed it again. “Can I kiss you, one last time?” he finally asked.

Jude considered it for a moment. He looked pathetic, that was true. And he sounded just as bad. But she wanted, she _wanted…_ No matter what it would do to her.

So she kissed him, raw and passionately, a clash of forces and wills for one last time, as Cardan had promised. It was everything that she hadn’t had in four years.

And then she took her son back inside the house.

And she left the King of Elfhame to fall apart on her doorstep.

Jude was gone. Jude was gone. _Jude was gone._

And he was alone.

Cardan broke down right there, dizziness and nausea clawing their way up his gut, and cried. He had tried all these years to find her, only to lose her again. It was a pulsing ache over his chest and head, and Cardan didn’t—he didn’t know how to live without her.

But eventually, he turned around and stumbled off of his beloved’s porch, losing himself in the whistling wind of October. Elfhame was waiting for him. He had a kingdom to rule.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally, I had ended this a bit earlier right after Jude leaves Cardan on her doorstep, but then I realized I wanted to end this with some introspection from the king himself, so I added a little more! I would imagine that in this AU, Cardan sort of goes down a dark path; Jude was sort of an anchor for him, and having her completely taken from him, I think he'd be driven mad by anger and jealousy and wouldn't make a very good king. He'd be undone. Just for some extra angst-sprinkles to add to your cupcake:)


End file.
